If Your Husband Doesn’t Love You

Good day, dear visitors to the Orthodox website “Faith and Family”! The Russian Federation is one of the countries with the highest divorce rates.
Quite a few families break up because the love between spouses fades.
Elena, from Moscow, also faced this problem.
“Once I prayed fervently to the Mother of God that my boyfriend would become my husband,” Elena writes to the Pskov-Pechersk Monastery. “My prayer was answered.” We lived together for three years, and a daughter was born. But we didn’t get along well; we were always arguing. Soon I took my one-year-old child and left. I love my husband, but he doesn’t love me and is driving me away. Everything is bad. I’ve made quite a few mistakes, but I’m afraid it will get even worse. What should I do?
— Dear Elena! — replies a hieromonk from the Pskov-Pechersk Monastery. — St. Seraphim of Sarov once said that teaching others is like throwing stones down from a bell tower, whereas practicing what you teach is like carrying stones up to the bell tower.
And we share in your sorrow, and, aware of our unworthiness and our weaknesses, we nevertheless resolve to recall the Savior’s commandment: “By your patience you will save your souls” (Luke 21:19) and “He who endures to the end will be saved” (Mark 13:13).
For a family is constantly built upon two virtues: patience and love. Our ancestors knew this well from experience and passed down to us the wisdom of the ages: “Endure, and love will follow.” But they did not endure! What should we do now? We must start all over again… And pray fervently to the Queen of Heaven.
Peace be with you and God’s blessing.
To add to the words of the hieromonk, it is only possible to say that love is a blessing from God. And if we work hard, endure, and cherish, then our spouses will also cherish, endure, and respect us.
Grant, O Lord, through the prayers of the righteous Prince and Princess Peter and Fevronia, joy and love in our families!

If your spouse does not love you

“Another’s soul is a mystery”—or how can you tell if your spouse loves you?
It is not uncommon for even the most tender and loving relationships to face a crisis. And it must be fought through joint efforts; the responsibility for preserving the family should not fall solely on the wife. If you sense a chill in your marriage but remain as certain as ever of your partner’s loyalty and love, now is the time to realign your family’s foundations.
Let’s figure out how to weather a crisis in married life!
Almost all of us have doubts about another person’s feelings. This is because everyone expresses their loyalty and love in different ways. Some people are naturally reserved.
For them, cloying affection, pet names, and physical tenderness—which couples in love usually exchange—are completely out of character. They call themselves “people of their word” and express their warm feelings through honorable actions.
But for women, as we know, this isn’t enough.
It is fundamentally important for them to feel cherished every day; therefore, when in a relationship with such partners, they often ask themselves: How can I tell if my spouse loves me?
Sometimes a married couple goes through an obvious relationship crisis, and in such cases, the emotions of both parties are called into question. And, of course, there are extremely unusual cases where a man behaves in a way that is completely unbecoming of a loving person. And the answer to the question of whether your spouse truly loves you is no less relevant here.
Psychologists love to talk about how to tell if a husband truly adores his wife. But as a rule, their advice is far too idealistic—they say that if a man loves you, he literally worships you, spoils you, sacrifices himself for you, expresses his love 24/7, gives you expensive gifts, and so on. But is that really the case?
You need to understand that it’s not uncommon for anyone to feel down or be in a bad mood, and he isn’t obligated to be your fairy-tale prince, clown, and nanny all rolled into one every single day. If you think this way, perhaps you should question not him, but your own emotions. If you realize this, but your marriage is falling apart—we’ll advise you on what to do and how to avoid arguments in this situation.
We’ve prepared a test for you, with questions you must answer either yes or no. There are fifteen questions in total, and you should answer them as honestly as possible. Don’t sugarcoat the situation if you want to know the truth.
A test to determine the answer to the question “Does my spouse love me?”:

1. We’ve been living together for a long time, and now my husband admires my beauty, compliments me, and enjoys my company even when I’m feeling under the weather or just after waking up;
2. My beloved never, under any circumstances, looks around or stares at unfamiliar beauties;
3. My husband always stands up for me and protects me from everyone, including his own family;
4. My husband prefers to spend his free time with me rather than at work, with friends, or with his parents;
5. In public, my husband constantly emphasizes how lucky he is to have me; he tells his friends what a great homemaker, friend, and partner I am;
6. When I’m not feeling well, he doesn’t ignore me; he always tries to find out what’s wrong, and if there are any problems, he solves them right away so I don’t get upset;
7. My husband cherishes me and always tries to help me with everyday chores—laundry, cleaning, and cooking dinner and lunch;
8. My beloved often spoils me with small gifts and flowers for no reason, simply because he loves to see me happy;
9. When we face financial difficulties, we try to solve them together, and in our family, it’s not customary to “hide” money from each other. We are a team when it comes to our children and providing for our household;
10. My husband is always warm and passionate with me, pleasurehis sexual attraction to me hasn’t faded even after a couple of years together;
11. My beloved always—or practically always—shares his feelings, plans, and secrets for the future with me;
12. I hear words of love from him at least every day. He’s not stingy with his emotions and constantly emphasizes how much he needs and cherishes me;
13. My husband tells me that I am the best woman in his life, and under no circumstances would he ever trade me for anyone else;
14. When my husband’s friends or colleagues come over to our home, we all have a good time together, and my husband doesn’t feel uncomfortable having a woman in their all-male group;
15. I think my husband has become happier because he is married to me.

If you answered “yes” to ten or more questions on the list, your husband may truly adore you. But life is full of various nuances and situations that require vigilance on your part. Therefore, your task right now is to preserve this love for good, rather than squandering it and taking pride in the fact that you were able to win over your beloved for a long time.
You already know how to determine whether your husband loves you. And if you are 100% certain of this, now is the time to fight for your family. If you aren’t 100% sure, all is not lost, but any attempts may end in failure.
If your family has entered a period of cooling off and stagnation, follow these recommendations:

• Don’t be sarcastic or argue with your partner; don’t show obvious dissatisfaction, and don’t turn into a shrew. Remember that smashing dishes and yelling won’t solve the problem—it will only make things worse. Engage in constructive dialogue and express your concerns calmly;
• Try to establish some household traditions, even if they’re quite obvious (a walk in the park on weekends, a picnic outside the city, guests on Sundays, watching a movie on Saturday evenings). Such little treasures can strengthen any marriage;
• Surprise each other with little gestures—leave sweet notes in each other’s bags, cook dinners and romantic breakfasts for one another, and add a touch of romance to your daily life;
• Become a “new” version of yourself for him—visit a hairdresser, buy some beautiful lingerie, get a manicure, or see a beautician;
• Organize “thrilling experiences” for the two of you—go skydiving, visit a ghost town, or ride the rides at an amusement park;
• Don’t stifle your childlike spontaneity or hold back your emotions, especially the positive ones. Show gratitude and delight when your husband does something nice for you;
• Pay attention to each other and discuss personal troubles (those unrelated to the family);
• Give your husband some freedom. After all, it’s the most precious thing we have! Don’t try to chain him down and force him to spend all his time with you. Let him take a break from your company, and then he’ll appreciate you even more.

If you weren’t able to save the relationship after all and you’ve broken up, you’re probably very curious to know how your ex-partner is feeling now that it’s over.
How can I tell if my ex-husband still loves me?
It’s possible that he does if:

• He tries to reconnect with you;
• He voluntarily gives up habits that you didn’t like;
• He treats you even more tenderly and affectionately than before when you happen to see each other or talk on the phone;
• He constantly reminisces about the “good old days” (this is very easy to spot on social media—just look through his playlist and find “your” songs there);
• He takes an active interest in the changes in your life;
• He offers you a “helping hand,” or, at the very least, a “shoulder to cry on,” so that you have someone to confide in when you’re going through a rough patch;
• He gets jealous when you talk to or see someone of the opposite sex;
• He starts showing up at places where you used to love spending time together;
• He has suddenly become the “life of the party,” even though he used to be a hopeless homebody (such drastic changes may indicate that your ex is trying to get your attention with his unusual behavior);
• He always shares news about himself with your mutual friends so they’ll pass it on to you;
• He’s started drinking (this suggests he’s reached a breaking point of despair and is seeking unhealthy ways to distract himself from emotional pain).

But don’t forget that all these signs could point not only to something “serious and genuine,” but also to more trivial things—a habit, possessiveness, or an unhealthy dependence on your company. With that in mind, before you rejoice (or gloat), try to find out more about all these points.
Be joyful, and… “Don’t part with your loved ones!”

If your spouse doesn’t love you—how can you tell?