The most ridiculous diets in human history

It is believed that ten minutes of laughter is equivalent to a glass of sour cream. And besides, gentlemen and ladies of the past were willing to do anything to lose weight, just like today’s fashionistas. Browse, laugh, and think carefully before you go on that ridiculous diet that miraculously helped your neighbor or girlfriend.

Diet 1: Open Threat, Try to Gain Weight

Ancient humans lived in a world filled with dietary happiness. Judge for yourself – they had no sugar, they didn’t know how to make buns or rolls, and chips weren’t available in every cave. Ancient humans had to either flee, hoping to avoid becoming part of some predator’s diet, or hunt and gather roots and herbs. And what’s more, mothers and kind husbands didn’t feed the ancient women; on the contrary, the male hunters ate first, while the fairer sex got the scraps. So, back then, being overweight was exclusive—a sign of wealth. If only we could get there!

Diet 2: Drink Wine, You Won’t Lose Weight, You’ll Have Fun

This method was invented by William the Conqueror. He wasn’t averse not only to conquering several countries but also to swallowing a few piglets for dinner. So by mid-life, the wretched commander simply couldn’t mount a horse, which was tantamount to professional incompetence. William then concluded that drinking a fair amount of wine would help him lose weight. It’s unknown whether the Conqueror lost weight, but his death was anything but heroic – he fell from his horse and broke his neck. What and how much he drank beforehand remains a historical mystery.

Diet 3: Gluttony as a Diet or Throw the Cook Off the Cliffs if You Want to Lose Weight

The ancient Greeks and Romans, contrary to popular belief, were not all like the Apollos of the Belvedere. While the Greeks didn’t distinguish themselves in any way, other than recommending that those trying to lose weight eat less and exercise, the Romans introduced the practice of inducing vomiting after lavish feasts. There was also a slave who carried the cup for this ritual. Indeed, the Romans “purged” themselves not to lose weight, but rather to continue the feast. Sparta had a more trivial approach: cooks who cooked well were thrown off a cliff, along with their dinner, to prevent them from corrupting discipline.

Diet 4: From Ancient Chinese Women to Soviet Soldiers

Ancient Chinese women from wealthy families had a far from happy life. They wore special shoes that deformed their feet, preventing them from growing. They were required to have manicures, which prohibited them from holding anything except a calligraphy brush. Therefore, women took a powder containing dinitrophenol and cinnabar—the components of Chinese gunpowder. This helped them lose weight and relieved them of life’s burdens early. You have to admit, what kind of life was that, in a time when you couldn’t even walk or run. Later, enterprising Americans noticed that powder depot workers were rapidly losing weight. So they began distributing explosive powder to anyone who wanted to burn fat. It’s unknown which spy got wind of this, but in the 1930s and 1940s, the Soviet army used gunpowder in its food supply in the hopes of increasing soldiers’ endurance.

Diet 5: Byronic Vinegar Sorrow

Lord Byron was a plump man, and as luck would have it, he had a healthy flush across his cheeks, which was considered unflattering for a romantic poet. So he decided to lose weight and achieve a captivating pallor. To achieve this, Byron first gave up meat and started exercising. It didn’t work! Then he read somewhere that vinegar breaks down fat and began soaking all his food in the acid. Still no help! Lord Byron didn’t give up, and then simply drank vinegar before meals, with or without water. But it was only portrait painters who later gave the poet his “captivating pallor.”

Diet 6: Sleepy Other Beauties and Elvis

Don’t think that humanity became much smarter in the 1970s. That’s when the sleepy diet first appeared. The dieter took a strong sleeping pill and napped for two or three days. Elvis Presley is said to have fallen for this recipe. He “rested” like this before important concerts, hoping to fit into his famous white pants. The diet was fraught with addiction to the sleeping pill, and weight loss wasn’t particularly good. Although the napper doesn’t eat, it also burns few calories.

Diet 7: Tapeworms, Goldfish, Chinese Pills

English jockeys swallowed tapeworms to lose weight. The same ones that live in horse manure. And the really desperate ones would crawl into a steaming pile of manure for several hours—a sauna effect, you see.

Americans found worms unglamorous, so they came up with something more appealing. One not-so-bright Harvard graduate made a bet with a friend that he would eat a goldfish alive, and it would help him lose weight. The man actually lost weight, and in the 1930s, an epidemic of extermination of innocent creatures swept the United States. Furthermore, doctors’ articles appeared in the press warning against eating fish for weight loss.

The Chinese decided to profit from worms, but the problem was that no self-respecting woman would consume worms. A solution was found! Weight loss pills, seemingly unremarkable, were being manufactured from worm larvae!

Laughter? Don’t think that modern diets based on apple cider vinegar, chocolate, or caramel are any more beneficial than the “worm” or “explosive” diets of the past. Before you start anything, carefully consider how it will affect your health and your immediate future.