The Seven Stages of Love
Every married couple goes through seven stages of development in their relationship. If the couple understands and acknowledges these stages, their relationship becomes much stronger.
If not, then so be it. But seriously, the well-known rule always applies: “forewarned is forearmed.” So it’s better to know what’s happening in your relationship in advance.
The first stage is falling in love, the honeymoon period.
This is the very same infatuation when a person is in the clouds. During this period, you admire literally everything about the object of your affection: their appearance, their clothes, their gaze, and their speech. Of course, others around you don’t notice this, but a person in love wears rose-colored glasses. And if during this period the couple decides to unite their union and get married, you may ultimately realize that you simply don’t know the person, because you simply haven’t had time or haven’t gotten a good look at them. It’s not uncommon for couples formed during the honeymoon period to quickly fall apart. Partially, the eroded institution of marriage and family discipline are to blame, as little attention is paid to young families these days. However, the blame lies largely with the newlyweds themselves—all that “fantastic love” is shattered by routine and family life. Ultimately, the first difficulties are simply too much to bear, and it’s no wonder, as the couple may have ended up with completely unsuitable partners.
That’s it, you don’t have to rush out to buy flowers for your beloved in the evening, and the thrill of her eyes is gone. Feelings are satisfied, you can take a break. During this period, partners relax and calm down; they have each other, what more could you want? The most pragmatic can quickly skip this stage and try to linger there longer.
Very often, older couples and those with “experience,” i. e., those who have been married more than once, begin at this stage. There’s still a sweet spot in their marriage—that’s the psychology of the relationship, it just passes almost unnoticed. Although you’ve probably met an old man carrying a bouquet of flowers to his beloved. Or, as in Lyapis Trubetskoy’s song, “a gray-haired professor briskly gallops through puddles in the rain…”—that’s love followed by peace.
Take your time and don’t waste it in vain on relaxation – try to prepare as best as possible for the next most important stage in family relationships, because your happy life depends on its successful completion. If it’s difficult for you to find time for such an important task, then I recommend reading this article: “why we always don’t have enough time” – I think it will help you carve out some of this valuable resource
At this stage of development of relations between people, quarrels and conflicts arise, because The rose-colored glasses are taken off and exaggeration of the other person’s shortcomings begins. You want to adapt a person to yourself, change him in your understanding, it seems that he does not understand you at all. That is, there is a complete antithesis of the candy period in relationships. Every couple inevitably goes through a period of quarrels, large and small. With hysterics, attempts to go “to mom,” beating one’s chest, etc.
Although, in my opinion. All these departures will inevitably lead to final separation, so do not allow them under any circumstances. Another very useful rule that I took from some frivolous book: “any quarrel must be resolved before morning, do not go to bed without measuring it.”
If the couple does not understand in time that the other person does not need to be re-educated (and in general it is impossible to re-educate), then such quarrels will drag on and develop into long battles, because of this the couple may break up. And sometimes you just need to not start arguing and quarreling, but try to come to an agreement.
Only at this stage of development of family relationships do couples understand that quarrels will not solve anything, and long-term grievances only spoil the mood and waste their nerves. Therefore, every time they try to come to mutual understanding and try to understand and listen to each other, solve problems and work to maintain their relationship. At this time, people begin to forgive each other’s small weaknesses, share secrets and develop a new system of shared values.
At the stage of mutual understanding, couples often make compromises. They get to know each other better, learn to determine their partner’s mood and well-being. Don’t forget that living together is a big emotional burden, so learn to recognize signs of depression in your partner in time. In this delicate matter, it will be useful for you to familiarize yourself with the following article: “how to find out the signs of depression and provide help” – which will help you notice that something is wrong in time. Briefly, the relationship at this stage can be characterized as “you give me – I give you.” As you can see, this is the most pragmatic stage of family life. However, once couples sit down and learn to live in harmony, they get used to giving in on small things in order to win on big things, then a wonderful future awaits them.
Remember how the Owl from the famous cartoon gave the donkey a tail “for free, i. e. For free”? The fifth stage of development of family relationships is also distinguished by similar selflessness. Perhaps this can already be called the initial stage of love, when a partner tries to do something nice for another just like that, without demanding anything in return. Mutual understanding and respect emerge. However, the main value, I repeat, is not to ask for anything in return. You probably know that giving gifts is no less pleasant than receiving them.
Unfortunately, many couples do not reach this stage, because Knitted on the first three. Such marriages quickly fall apart, and people go their separate ways in search of more suitable partners. After all, after going through all the steps, they will receive the main prize.
The couple understands each other without words, does not quarrel over trifles, or does not quarrel at all, but why? Have you heard the saying “husband and wife are one Satan”? The couple has already reached the finish line in their relationship. They stand up for each other. They simply treat each other tenderly and reverently.
Undoubtedly, any idyll can be destroyed. The main enemies of a successful marriage are mistrust and suspicion. Therefore, first of all, you should never draw hasty conclusions, as we often see in cheap melodramas. Remember, mistrust is akin to betrayal, which you least expect from a loved one.
This is the step to which we go throughout our lives together. Overcoming difficulties and life’s obstacles hand in hand. There are no illusions here, no passions in relationships, but the winners will receive a real reward that they did not expect. Having gone through all the stages, the married couple only grows stronger and becomes a single whole, where people treat each other with devotion, with an open heart! Only such couples survive to see the golden and diamond weddings.
I wish everyone to find their other half and treat it with reverence, cultivating love. No one will build your happiness for you until you want it yourself. As you can see, the development of family relationships is not a simple matter, but the prize is very tempting, so you have to strive for the goal.
Success in any business can be achieved if the goal is set correctly, the following article can help you with this: “setting goals are important steps to success” – do not forget, family happiness is the key to a happy life
These are the seven great steps in developing family relationships that I talked about this time.
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5 comments
Insanely interesting article! Yesterday I quarreled with my wife, after reading the information, I assessed our stage of family relationships. I remember an old joke where the last stage is defined as “F)uck you,” but I sincerely hope that my wife and I won’t come to that!
I’m very glad. That we didn’t have a third stage. We quickly understood and discussed the difference in the upbringing and traditions of our families. And they didn’t try to break each other down to their own standards and ideas. Respect and wisdom helped a lot in this – for which I am very grateful to my beloved and our parents.
Most likely, the third stage was just passed very quickly and imperceptibly)))
I agree that on the path to harmonious family relationships there are certain steps, with their own difficulties and difficulties, that are important to go through. And the most difficult step, which few people master, is the third step – quarrels. I would call it differently. A stage in which you need to go through two “emotional pits” – “everyday life” and disgust. And just the same, all this needs to go through with a minimum number of quarrels, so that later in one “wonderful” moment it all doesn’t come out when they begin to remind each other of all the quarrels combined. I believe that it is not quarrels that are an indicator of a happy relationship, but their absence (or the minimum amount of them), no matter how trite it may sound. And if these “emotional pits” are overcome with dignity, then the relationship will have true love and mutual understanding, and all the joys of a happy relationship.
Maybe you are right. Quarrels don’t help anyone at all. Here an anecdote comes to mind about a man who was asked why he is always happy and does not argue with anyone. To which he replied that he simply never argues with anyone. And to the objection about the impossibility of doing this all the time, he replied: “So be it, I won’t argue.”
Seven steps of love
The Seven Stages of Love
If we don’t act, someone else makes the choice for us.
Our sympathies
1. Candy-bouquet period or “chemistry of love” (lasts approximately 18 months).
When a man and a woman meet and fall in love, their bodies produce certain hormones that paint the world in bright colors. At this moment the voice seems incomparable, any stupidity seems amazing. The person is in a state of drug intoxication. During this period, you should not make any decisions, since the effect of this drug will eventually end and everything will return to normal.
6. The sixth phase is friendship. Friendship is a serious preparation for love.
Love is not something that suddenly falls on our heads; we mature for love, abandoning the selfishness within ourselves.
Seven steps of love
The Seven Stages of Love
Where love ends, reason or intelligence reigns. But love should always win in a woman, and may she not cross this line.
For women there are seven stages of love:
The 1st stage is personified by Rati, the wife of Kamadeva.
These are short flashes of passion, like sparks. But from a spark a flame ignites. Therefore, the power of these flashes of love is equal to the power of the great flow of Love. They are as significant as the flow, but only for a short time.
The 2nd stage is personified by Shachi, the wife of Indra.
This can be called the love of a slave for her master. A woman gives everything to her lover, but receives almost nothing in return. She is ready to worship him, and this is her advantage.
The 3rd stage is personified by Yami, the wife of Yamaraja.
This is the knowledge of love through death. For a woman at this level, death is not an obstacle to love. Where there is love, there is no death. A man and a woman are almost like brother and sister.
The 4th stage is personified by Parvati, the wife of Shiva.
The lovers are on the same level. They seem to be combined into a single whole. Both men and women have the same rights to make claims against each other. Any service or courtesy is considered by them not as humiliation or worship, but as a tribute to their mutual love.
The 5th stage is personified by Saraswati, the wife of Brahma.
This is mutual spiritual growth. The love of two hearts is constantly changing, developing, thereby giving growth to the beloved, and they remain at the same levels.
The 6th stage is represented by Lakshmi, the wife of Lord Vishnu.
This is the exaltation of love through humiliation. A woman can allow a man to humiliate herself, and sometimes she humiliates herself. But due to this, she rises. As a result, she gets everything she wants.
The 7th, highest stage is personified by Radha, the beloved of Lord Krishna.
This all-encompassing, all-pervading love has no boundaries and does not depend on anyone or anything. Krishna loves Radha the most. This love conquers everything, it bypasses all obstacles. She is above everything, she has neither beginning nor end. She is eternal. The love of Radha and Krishna is the basis of everything in the spiritual and material worlds.
When Ravana was harassing Sita, the wife of Lord Ramacandra, she told the demon the following story.
One day, young Savitri met the young man Satyavan in the forest. They fell in love and decided to become husband and wife. But the sages said to the girl:
“Savitri, this young man is destined to die within a year.” Many other men would be glad to bring you into their home, where you could find happiness. Think about it.
But Savitri replied:
“I’ve already fallen in love and I can’t hurt my beloved.”
Soon they got married and lived happily.
The predicted day arrived, and Savitri tried not to be separated from her husband. When he decided to go to the forest to pick berries, she went with him. Suddenly Satyavan said:
– Something feels bad. I’ll lie down under a tree, and you, please, wake me up later.
As soon as he closed his eyes, the girl saw that his face was turning pale and life was slowly leaving his body. Then she noticed a man in red clothes next to her husband. It was Yamaraj, the lord of death. He took out Satyavan’s soul and began to leave. Savitri followed him. Yama walked in silence for a long time, and then said:
– Come to your senses, I’m going to the kingdom of the dead. They do not return from there alive.
The girl answered decisively:
“I love my husband and promised to follow him everywhere and always.”
Yamaraj went further. Savitri’s dress was torn, and the thorns of the bushes scratched her body until she bled. Then Yama turned to her again:
– Go back, you no longer have the strength. You’re all wounded.
“No,” she answered, “I will follow my husband.”
“But if you go further, you will die in a few hours.”
– Oh, merciless one, you separated our bodies, and now you want to separate our souls!
“You touched my heart, beauty.” I will do something I have never done before. I release the soul of your beloved.
Then Savitri saw that she was sitting under the same tree, and her husband was sleeping peacefully. Soon he woke up and said:
– Oh, how long I slept, Why didn’t you wake me up? It’s already getting dark.
“I was sorry to wake you up, you slept so sweetly.”
They lived happily until their death.
In one village, righteous parents had a daughter. She fell in love with the young man, and he fell in love with her. Their parents were already preparing for the wedding. The lovers almost never parted. But one day the young man came and said that he was being taken to war. Then the girl felt that they could not be separated, because there was neither him nor her, but only a single whole – they. At that time, it seemed to her that in the pink rays of the setting sun, over the water of the lake, a beautiful woman was standing. She smiled and nodded her head, as if agreeing with her thoughts. The girl felt so light and good that she began to cry. The young man began to console his beloved, but she said:
“I’m crying with happiness because I realized: we won’t part.” I will always be with you, and you with me.
Then the young man also cried with happiness. So they stood together until dawn. And then he left. Autumn descended into the valley, then winter. The girl waited and knew that he was not alone there, that she was next to him. She always felt his presence.
One evening while doing homework, a terrible pain pierced her heart and she lost consciousness. When she woke up, she felt that he was not nearby. She died that night. A few days later, the parents were informed that the young man had died in battle.
They were one, therefore, having taken the life of one, Yama could not leave the life of the other.
There lived a husband and wife. They had a daughter. But the mother fell ill and died, and the father married a second time. The stepmother did not like her stepdaughter and said to her husband:
– Take her further to the mountains and leave her there. Otherwise I will deal with her myself.
My father had to agree. He allegedly took his daughter for brushwood, quietly separated and returned home along a secret path. The girl cried for a long time and called her father. Dusk fell and she stopped for the night in a cave. She lit a fire and began to pray. Suddenly she heard a rustling sound and saw a dwarf. He frowned and said:
– Who gave you permission to enter my house?
“Please forgive me, I didn’t know that this was your house,” the girl answered in fear. – If I bother you, I can leave.
– Okay, you can stay. Why are you standing there like an idol? Can’t you see, my feet are dirty, they need to be wiped!
The girl obediently wiped his feet.
– Now bow and say: What does my master want?
The girl did just that.
She looked around and saw everything she needed to prepare the meal. After eating, the dwarf frowned again and said,
“I want to sleep. Are you so stupid that you can’t figure out what to do next?”
The girl made the dwarf’s bed, and he said,
“I’ll go to bed, and you clear the table, wash the dishes, and sweep the floor.”
The girl didn’t go to bed until late that night. She had a wondrous dream: a most beautiful boy with a flute stood before her. A blue glow emanated from him. But she knew for certain that this boy was the same dwarf. He said,
“You are a wonderful girl. For your obedience, I will fulfill your deepest desire. You don’t have to tell Me what it is; I already know it. You, like any woman, ardently desire love. And you will receive it—not as a reward, but simply as a consequence of good behavior.” You will be happy, but do not forget Me in your heart, for the Lord is the supreme object of love,” and the boy disappeared.
The girl shuddered and woke up. She was alone in the cave, without any belongings. Lying by the extinguished fire, she pondered her dream in amazement. Then she heard a hunting horn and the clatter of hooves. A horseman stopped very close to the cave.
It was the young king of the country where the girl lived. The king fell in love with her at first sight. He took her to his palace. Soon they were married and lived happily, for she knew the secret of love that the Lord had taught her. The Supreme Being always has a gift ready for the humble and loving.
On the outskirts of the village lived a poor, very beautiful girl. Many proposed to her, but she refused them all. One day, while she was watering flowers in the garden, a brahmin’s son passed by. He was known to be a very kind and noble devotee of the Lord. The young man saw the girl and fell in love with her. He entered the garden and said:
“Oh, beautiful one, I don’t know your name or your parents’, but my heart beat so hard it almost leaped out of my chest. Be my wife. I will give you everything I can. But most importantly, I will give you love.”
But the girl refused. The disappointed young man mounted his horse and rode away. Then a gray-haired old man entered the garden. His eyes shone with an unearthly light. He addressed the young maiden:
“Forgive me, I unwittingly overheard your conversation. I’m curious why you refused him? After all, he promised what every woman dreams of—he promised love.”
“I don’t understand women who seek love and don’t find it. Love is everywhere. It’s in the flowers, in the groves, in the wind, in the clouds. I don’t need love given to me. I don’t even need to take it, because it’s in my heart. I myself am a particle of God’s love. This love lifts me up, and I need nothing more. And let the handsome young man bestow his love on the one who awaits it.”
“You say that everything is love. Do you think that I, too, am love? But I’m old, and it’s time for me to think about death.”
“Yes, you, too, are love, because even death is love.”
After these words, the girl’s head spun, and as if through a fog, she saw that instead of the old man, a beautiful woman stood there. The woman said, “Yes, I am love. You have drawn love from everything your hands have touched and everything your eyes have seen. And only the greatest test of love you have not yet experienced—death.” Do you want it?
The woman took her hand and led her upward, toward God. Somewhere below, she saw her garden and her body. But she no longer needed it. Her soul followed its mistress, Love.
7 Stages of Love
