How to Improve Your Relationship with Your Husband: 7 Simple Secrets
Hello, dear readers of the Godika blog! “I don’t know how to improve my relationship with my husband. Quite often, when I complain, he says he doesn’t understand me and ‘plays dumb.’
After work, he withdraws into himself; you can’t get a word out of him. I try to talk to him more, because I believe communication is key, but he’s more interested in online games. He just sits there like a kid, tapping away at his iPhone. I told him that he finds playing games more fun than spending time with me, and he got offended. I don’t know how to improve my relationship with my boyfriend anymore,” writes Svetlana.
“Please advise me on how to fix my relationship with my husband. I told him we needed to discuss our family problems. He was, by and large, surprised and said, ‘I thought we had a happy relationship and that you were satisfied with everything,’ feigning surprise. I lost my temper and told him everything that had been building up. He just shrugged and said, ‘Why are you only telling me this now?’ And I was the one to blame! Now he’s avoiding me. Maybe I don’t know how to communicate with a boyfriend?” writes Yulia.
Find out what relationships and marriage mean to men and under what circumstances a man withdraws from communication > here.
And now I’ve put together seven simple tips to help you interact with your partner the right way.
Have you ever seen a man and a woman having a heated argument? The man stands there with a puzzled look on his face, spreading his arms, raising his eyebrows, looking surprised.
“What are you talking about! ? I don’t get it!”
This describes a guy who honestly doesn’t know what’s going on and has no idea what’s being discussed.
In most cases, the woman feels hurt and offended here. She thinks the guy is playing dumb or that he’s just an “insensitive jerk.” But more often than not, he genuinely doesn’t know what the conversation is about, especially if it involves a disagreement or argument. If he looks surprised, there’s a good chance he’s genuinely surprised and doesn’t quite understand what you want from him.
Some men find it difficult to communicate with and understand women when there are no short, clear statements. Men get very frustrated when they see that a woman is upset and wants to convey something to them, but they can’t figure out what the problem is.
At the end of the workday, a man wants to come home to his own sanctuary, to relax and unwind. But the first thing he often encounters at home is a demand for his attention, an intrusion into his personal space.
“What are you going to do?”
“Take a look at these bills!”
“Have you figured out when you’ll be taking your vacation?”
“The kids aren’t listening—talk to them…”
In reality, it’s best to wait a little while until your man has had a chance to clear his head after work. It all seems obvious, but in practice, in everyday life, many women forget this.
If you want good communication, give your guy some space when he comes home tired. Instead of bombarding him with problems and questions, apply the “Law of First Impressions.”
The first impression determines the course of your future communication.
We believe that first impressions are crucial at the beginning of a relationship. But their power is immense in relationships as well. Whenever we part ways for a while and see each other again, first impressions come into play. Our first words, our facial expressions, and our behavior in those first few seconds set the tone for the rest of the time.
Take control of that first feeling in your relationship. When your partner returns after a brief separation, create a pleasant and positive atmosphere. Smile, kiss, try to look attractive, and let him have his own personal space to clear his head. Later, he’ll come to you on his own for conversation and attention.
Silence is golden. It’s worth remembering this for women who think they can change their less talkative partner by forcing him to communicate.
Silence is the best strategy if you’re more talkative than your partner. For many women, maintaining a happy relationship means talking to their partner about everything as often as possible. In most cases, such women are never satisfied with the communication. They believe that the more they talk to their partner, the more he understands their emotions, the sooner he will change, and the more he will love them. And as long as the woman tries to increase the number of conversations, he only closes himself off more, distances himself, and gets annoyed.
If your man isn’t very talkative, you might try to force him to say more. Attempts to coerce him into talking will be perceived by him as disrespectful. To get such men to open up, you need a calm, tactful approach. If you communicate with him at his own pace, you have a better chance of positively influencing him.
Be forgiving and don’t hold a grudge against the man you love. When you feel hurt because of a grievance, it’s a sign that you’re disappointed in him and haven’t forgiven him yet. Your disappointment in him will come through in your interactions with him in various ways: through hints, subtext, and body language. Unfortunately, this can start to work against you.
If a man treats you with respect and love more often than he makes mistakes, learn not to hold grudges against him in your heart. For tips on how to stop taking offense, check out this Godika article.
If you frequently criticize your man and challenge his words, he will learn a new way of communicating with you—to say virtually nothing to you.
For a man, having his answers criticized is like being accused of murder when the trial is already a mere formality. There’s no point in justifying or explaining anything if the verdict has already been handed down.
A woman asks her husband to wash the dishes after the kids because she’ll be coming home late from work. She comes home exhausted, goes to the kitchen, and sees that the sink is piled high with dirty plates. Her husband is asleep in front of the TV, still in his work clothes.
What would you do in her place?
Did they wake him up and tell him he was lazy and irresponsible?
Or would you hold off on jumping to conclusions?
Let’s say he also had a rough day, and right after getting home from work, he started helping one of the kids with homework for the next day. If the woman lashes out at him with accusations, he’ll feel hurt, since he didn’t do anything wrong to her. He’ll feel resentment and bitterness.
If she doesn’t jump to conclusions, he’ll have a chance to explain everything, and she’ll see what a good dad he is. She’ll have the opportunity to express her gratitude and praise him. Under these circumstances, he’ll be more willing to fulfill her request.
In a relationship, the same situation can lead to different outcomes if you don’t rush to judgment but give the guy a chance first.
I’m not saying that every situation will be the same, but not rushing to conclusions before you have all the facts is the best strategy in a relationship with a partner.
Perhaps you’ve been in a situation where you’re telling a guy something, waiting for his response, opinion, or decision, but he seems to “freeze” in mid-air and isn’t listening. In reality, he’s simply not ready to give you a definite answer. Don’t “pressure” him; give him time to come to an answer or conclusion, and don’t push him.
Guys need more time to process certain information, especially when emotions are involved. Instead of demanding an answer from your boyfriend right here and now, give him some time to reflect on your conversation, reach rational, honest conclusions, and be sincere with you.
If you demand a decision right now, his answer will likely be based on a desire to please you in order to avoid conflict in the moment, and you won’t know what he really wants.
Denial is one of the defense mechanisms of the human psyche, a mechanism we use when we don’t want to see reality for what it is. Women often employ this defense mechanism. For example, in a relationship with a partner, a woman may fail to see certain personality traits and qualities in a man that cause him to behave a certain way rather than another. A man has his own personality, habits, and views on expectations and life. Furthermore, if there is something about him that you don’t like, you cannot deny reality.
If you interact with a man expecting him to understand you completely and to be entirely reasonable and logical all the time, you will be disappointed.
The first step toward improving your relationship is to accept the man as he is right now and the way he behaves at the moment.
If you expect a man to communicate and behave exactly as you imagine him to be, you’re creating barriers between you. You can’t build a relationship by denying reality.
Of course, every situation is unique, and there are no recommendations that would work 100% for every couple. But the main thing is that you already have the desire to improve your communication and change the situation, and that is the first step toward solving your problems.
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Perhaps I didn’t read the article closely enough, or maybe I was reading it with my emotions getting in the way, but to me, the gist of it boiled down to this: if a man doesn’t want to talk to you, don’t talk to him.
I tried waiting for him to approach me, to say something, or to compliment me—it didn’t work.
I decided, okay, he’s not a mind reader, so I’ll tell him what I want. The first time, I try to say it gently, as if by accident. For example, I ask how I look (even though I know I look great). But instead of the compliment I’m hoping for, I hear: “Fine.” Then, a couple of days later, I start saying it openly: “I don’t get enough compliments.” Silence. A couple more days later, I recall a time when he said something truly nice to me and tell him how happy it made me feel and what a good day it was. It doesn’t work.
I’m tired of being alone; I want to try being with him. In other words, to live together, raise children, but not expect love and not hold out hope for care and attention.
I tried everything the article suggested. Little by little, day by day. It didn’t help. My husband thought I was having an affair and that I was trying to make up for it this way. We have a young child, which makes things even more complicated. It’s easy to say that you should greet your husband with a smile on your face. But what are men supposed to do, anyway? Why should everything fall on our poor women’s shoulders? Work, the house, the child. Oh, and we must never refuse him in bed. Come on, it’s better to live alone than to carry such a burden.
Oh, I forgot one more thing. Before this article, he didn’t appreciate my efforts anyway, and after reading it, he became even more brazen. He’s gotten used to having everything ready for him—and perfect, too—with a smirk. But try not cleaning the house or not making dinner for just one day. He’ll say, “Well, you’ve made a mess of things yourself, and now there’s nothing to eat.” They get used to the good life quickly, and later even that isn’t enough—they want more
Angelica and Maria, thank you for your feedback.
A helpful article that only confirmed what I’d already figured out on my own, piecing together bits of advice and information from smart women. I think many people will find it useful to read.
I was surprised to read the comments above—“if a man doesn’t want to talk to you, don’t talk to him”—that wasn’t mentioned anywhere here. So I decided to share my own opinion.
I think that women are often to blame for being careless or even neglectful toward themselves.
If you start complaining to your husband that he doesn’t compliment you, you’ll come across as moody to him. Instead, change your hairstyle—maybe even your hair color—and try a new outfit; then your husband will notice you on his own and say something nice. That’s how it was for me; I don’t make unrealistic demands, but I do keep an eye on the situation.
It’s not uncommon for women to realize after a few years of marriage that they married the wrong person. There are men who are so selfish that nothing can move them, which is why we have so many divorces. Good partners help out with the kids and don’t get annoyed by everyday difficulties.
Besides, it’s unusual that women read an article and drew such conclusions about all men. For example, my husband responds to my attention with attention and gratitude in return.
How to improve your relationship with your husband: help and advice from a psychologist
Every couple inevitably faces a crisis in their marriage. At some point, one or both partners may feel that overcoming it is impossible and that the only right solution is to file for divorce. But don’t rush into anything. Perhaps you already know how to mend your relationship with your husband. Take a look at this person—does he still mean anything to you?
“My husband comes home from work and immediately withdraws into himself. I can’t get a word out of him, and I’ve pretty much given up on affection and care. He sits there playing video games all evening. I try to chat with him, but his only response is, ‘Don’t make things up.’”
It’s possible to learn how to be happy! Take the free online course “First Lessons in Happiness” from an experienced female psychologist who.
We’ve been married for 14 years. Somehow, we drifted apart without even noticing. My husband developed his own circle of friends, while I stayed at home with the kids. But they won’t be in school much longer—what happens after that? I feel like we’ve just become roommates.”
“After my husband found a new job, our relationship changed drastically. We rarely see each other and only talk about everyday things. I want romance, but he thinks I have nothing better to do. I’ve been crying constantly for the past month; I’m tired of his coldness.”
There are quite a few similar posts online. More than half of the women are upset by their husbands’ behavior. Some keep quiet about it, while others look for explanations. In reality, the discord in the relationship is quite easy to explain:
- Your husband can’t seem to get over the hurt caused by your mistake; your behavior upsets him. In most cases, friends speak openly about such things, but wives tend to brush their words aside, taking the comments as a personal slight or insult.
- Your spouse is facing difficulties at work, with his parents, or with his health. Husbands often hide troubles from their wives that, in their view, do not concern the family. In such cases, they become withdrawn, gloomy, and unsociable.
- You have gradually drifted apart and are no longer interested in each other. Close emotional, pleasurableand friendly contact within the family is extremely important. If you have stopped communicating with your spouse or have hidden existing problems for far too long, don’t be surprised that they have become a stranger to you (just as you have become a stranger to them).
Tip #1. Your loved ones change every day. Stay in touch with them all the time; take an interest in their thoughts, opinions, and moods. Don’t take everything the wrong way.
Over the course of their marriage, couples face relationship crises time and time again. Psychologists have observed that wives tend to experience particularly intense conflicts or drift apart from their husbands in the 1st, 3rd, 5th, 7th, and 14th years of marriage. Quite often, relationship troubles are linked to natural changes in the family—adjusting to each other, the birth of a child, the wife returning to work after maternity leave, monotony, menopause, and the children growing up.
To preserve the initial emotions you have for each other, it takes a great deal of effort, desire, and understanding from both spouses. If you only “feed off” those emotions without “nurturing” them, they will eventually dry up. In other words, you have to work on your relationship; only then will happiness and love reign in the family.
Strange but true: in reality, every woman can manage to balance a fulfilling personal life with a successful career, while also caring for and raising her children! To do this, you only need to know one secret.
Tip #2. You have to work on your relationship your whole life. Ask yourself, what have I done for my spouse right now? Can I love this person only when everything is going well? Or can I love him even when things are tough?
For centuries, it has been believed that a woman is the guardian of the home. Her responsibilities included not only keeping the house tidy and clean, but also creating a special, warm atmosphere. Nowadays, the hectic pace of life leaves most women with no time to focus on creating a cozy home. Some don’t even have time for basic tasks, which often leads them to snap at their husbands: “You didn’t take out the trash again.”
