Seven stages of love
Why are there so many single people now? I think that it won’t be long before the institution of marriage and marriage will sink into oblivion and all traditions and values.
People have now become freer, freer, which, on the one hand, is good. But otherwise, people began to easily break off relationships. Moreover, those that could lead to harmony and happiness.
Troubles in your marriage, quarrels with your partner, something you’re not happy with? You need to leave immediately and look for someone else! This is what many people think at the moment. And they search and search… For years, decades… Without realizing at all that the same troubles will appear with another partner. That it is not your partner that needs to be changed, but YOURSELF.
A huge number of people now do not want to get married. Since a relationship is work, it is a responsibility. Do they need it? They dream that somewhere, someday they will meet their own love, which will absolutely reach them, and they will understand each other perfectly. Without realizing at all that such knowledge does not come immediately from a “half-word” and “half-a-glance”. You need to come to this by going through all the stages of love.
Someone realizes that love is not given immediately, but does not have the readiness and desire to work to love deeply and honestly. True love does not come immediately, it appears over the years and it takes quite a lot of patience and wisdom to come to it. And now let’s talk about everything in order.
The very first, very romantic and beautiful stage. It lasts 1-1. 5 years. Scientists called this first period “The Chemistry of Love,” since hormones (endorphin and oxystocin) now rule in the brain and blood. These two wonderful hormones actually block the centers of negative emotions and rational thinking. This is a period of a beautiful mood, idealization and euphoria of the partner, which ends with a wedding or the beginning of a shared destiny.
Once people start spending a lot of time together, they become familiar friends with each other. The intensity of passions subsides, since the lovers have already had enough of each other. Life includes life. At this stage, the partner’s shortcomings become noticeable, not because the person previously hid them, but because the brain began to work in its own simple mode. The period of satiety is much more often short; wives rarely notice it. Moreover, it can come and go, alternating with renewed love.
This period is a real test for the couple. They were full of each other to the brim, love remained behind. The rose-colored glasses were dozing and it seems that the person was “the wrong one.” The partner’s advantages are no longer noticed, but great attention is paid to the shortcomings. Unfortunately, this stage cannot be avoided. Without it, the path to deep and sincere love is closed. This period can last a couple of months, and for some it can last for years, sometimes alternating with other periods.
Any partner now shows himself at his worst. And both sides see a lot of wrongs and negativity in each other. Therefore, at this time, many alliances disintegrate. People are sure that they are too different, so to speak, “do not get along in character.” The trouble is that divorce at this stage threatens to go in circles. People fall in love again, become fed up again, and are disgusted again. Each subsequent relationship is broken again and again by everyday life, rejection and selfishness of the other person’s shortcomings.
At this stage, people know that it will not be possible to change their spouse “to suit themselves.” Quarrels become very rare, scandals and storms no longer exist. The realization comes that a partner is a person who has advantages and disadvantages. At this stage, the couple begins to actively adapt to each other, negotiate, and conduct dialogues. People come to understand that it is necessary to start with themselves, and not remake others. And you need to learn to realize, accept and forgive. Ladies are more elastic by nature, which makes it easier for her to come to humility. And by her example, accepting a man “as is,” she pushes him to accept himself “as is.”
Before this period, any good deed implied a response. People, doing something nice for a friend for a friend, expected (at times unconsciously) reciprocal behavior. At the stage of service, you want to do something good and pleasant for your partner just like that, because your soul is already ready for it. It brings pleasure and joy, service occurs voluntarily and consciously. And it is the first sprouts of real, sincere love.
Having gone through all the past stages of love, the couple comes to respect and understanding. The wives have already been through a lot, they know each other’s habits and characters very well, and they have learned to get out of difficult situations without strife. They are great together, they both learned to do something necessary and pleasant for each other. The friendship stage can continue for years as people feel comfortable.
It comes naturally and deservedly. Understanding and Spiritual unity in a nutshell – this is love. Unfortunately, few people enter this time. Because first you need to go through all the previous stages. Learn to accept your spouse as he is. To be able to forgive and be aware, to care and respect for free. The stage of love is much higher than habit, falling in love or attraction. And therefore, at this time people open up and begin to harmoniously complement each other. Hormones no longer boil in the distant past, a cheerful and calm acceptance of both oneself and one’s partner comes.
The seven stages of love are the path from infatuation to true love. According to psychologists, it lasts 7-10 years. Through disgust and satiety, people come to friendship and respect, which over time develops into sincere love.
And at a time when you see elderly spouses somewhere, who are carried away in a conversation with each other and their faces radiate happiness and wisdom, know that they have not lived like this, soul to soul, from the very first day of their meeting. They built their own relationships and grew love, coming to it through cooling and overcoming rejection and a period of disgust.
I want you to successfully go through all the stages and come to real, smart and sincere love!
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3 comments on “The Seven Stages of Love”
The propaganda of free relationships is doing its own thing, and yet I think (I honestly remain hopeful) that it won’t be long before Russians will again appreciate the beauty of domestic relationships.
I read the article and realized that my beloved husband and I have already experienced all possible stages and to this day we are gradually moving from 6 to 7.
I want everyone to quickly get over the dissatisfaction and satiety stages and move on to more pleasant ones: respect, friendship and, of course, love!
Stages of love in psychology
Only novels and poems portray love as romantically beautiful and never-ending, but in life, all stages of love in psychology have been studied in the distant past, clearly demarcated and “sorted out.”
Do you want to know what will happen after the rose-colored glasses fall off your eyes and you find fully human (and sometimes not very pleasant) qualities in your angel-like loved one? Let’s try to “dissect” love with psychologists.
Do you wake up in the morning with a grin on your lips just thinking about noticing Him?
It’s not so crucial to you whether he talks to you, invites you somewhere, or even deigns to glance at you. The main thing is that you’ll catch a glimpse of the object of your affection, even if only briefly (for example, at a morning meeting in the head of the family’s office or in the common dining room during lunch).
Congratulations – you’re in love! Signs of a “pathological condition” include:
- An inexplicable need to enjoy the object of your affection again and again;
- Trembling knees when approaching him;
- Unexpected shyness when approaching him.
Let’s look back at Pushkin – it would seem hard to find a more skilled heartbreaker! He even confessed to friends that he instantly became flustered and unable to find the words to begin a conversation when he saw his
“Madonna” – Natalie Goncharova – in public. It’s even more difficult for a simple, ordinary person in such a situation! But falling in love isn’t the end of it all.
It’s just the beginning. Psychology currently identifies either 7 or 5 stages of love. Why the different numbers? Scientists often combine the last three stages into one, resulting in five instead of seven.
Every period in a couple’s relationship has its own characteristics. Let’s take a look.
If one of your friends or relatives is celebrating their golden wedding anniversary, it means the wives have successfully overcome the temptations of all 7 stages and are now happily enjoying the fruits – experiencing the 7th stage, which is called “love.”
At the same time, this word is often mistakenly used to describe the first stage – falling in love.
Falling in love (also known as the honeymoon period, or the chocolate period)
Falling in love is triggered by hormones. A person experiences true euphoria when they are able to observe and communicate with a potential partner. When feelings become mutual, the joy multiplies exponentially.
Photo: Relationship cycle diagram
The couple seems to have no flaws: they seem like perfect halves of a whole. They are everywhere together, holding hands, and at times so absorbed in each other that they barely notice others.
Therefore, now a large number of unusually beautiful poems and portraits are created, and various heroic deeds are accomplished in the name of the beloved. This stage is beautiful, but not eternal: it lasts approximately a year and a half. And what next?
“Chemistry” stops working, the riot of hormones ends. The couple is still cooing. Issues are resolved jointly, the desire to give in to the second is still present.
But knowledge comes: the partner, it turns out, is not an angel, but just a man. He has not only advantages, but also character traits, or, more simply put, shortcomings.
At this stage, the spouse finds out that the spouse is not always nice and compliant, and the spouse suddenly realizes that the spouse has other interests besides her.
Again, relatives and friends become responsible for both, the partners seem to be returning from the clouds to immoral soil.
The period of rejection (aversion) is the first terrible time for a marital alliance. Psychologists note a lot of disagreements and quarrels at the stage of rejection.
Some people experience disgust after a year of marriage, others after 3 years. Deadlines are personal. But not a single couple escapes this stage.
Selfishness “comes out” at the first thought: partners begin to show themselves as they really are.
The spouse takes some expensive electronic toy for himself, not paying attention to the previous agreement to save money for a joint trip.
How to agree to a young man in love, if you are shy, see the article: how to agree to a young man in love.
Is it possible to write a declaration of love to a girl in her own words via SMS, look here.
What to do if a man declares his love in a dream, see here.
The wife goes to a cafe with friends at midnight, “forgetting” to prepare dinner. Everyone lives by their own interests, with little regard for the needs of others. Here it is – the first trap for love! At this stage, many people get divorced without realizing the treasure of relationships.
If both partners know that the alliance is valuable to them, they will certainly moderate their demands on the partner. A realization comes: it is forbidden to “reshape” your spouse in your own way, so that you feel comfortable with him.
It is only possible to find common ground and build further relationships on this basis. And you need to change yourself: if you want to achieve something from your partner, you need to take into account his interests.
At this time, partners learn to accept each other completely, without focusing on the good or negative sides. Demands disappear: to do something for your spouse (wife) without asking for anything instead.
There is a trap here, especially for ladies: thanks to some behavioral quirks of their own sex, they can turn into some kind of sacrificial creatures.
Remember the wife’s good cry from the soul during a stormy quarrel: “I gave you better than 15 years to fate! I did everything for you!” If you really want to “do everything” and “give the best,” stop: there is no need to sacrifice yourself. This will not lead to happiness – only to disappointment.
The sixth stage of love is also called “friendship”. Relationships are built on a reasonable principle: “You – for me, I – for you.” Any of the partners can both give and acquire.
The amount of “given” and “returned” is no longer weighed: there is no need, wives, for anyone to constantly lend a strong shoulder in times of trouble.
So we’ve reached the conclusion: only the last stage of relationship development has every right to be called love. Each member of the couple accepts the other as he ultimately is.
No one tries to “fix” or “improve” anything in their partner. In quarrels, the first thing anyone pays attention to is their own inaccuracies.
Admitting one’s own guilt is the norm, not an indicator of weakness of character, and both partners now know this. The main goal is not to assert one’s own superiority, but to preserve the family.
What could be the stages of love in psychology by year?
It is unlikely that couples who managed to overcome the temptations of all stages and come to the final stage will find in their memory how many months (years) this or that stage lasted.
Video: 7 stages of development of love between a woman and a man
This is very personal – some become a full-fledged family in 5-7 years, while others may take a quarter of a century.
It is not for nothing that popular wisdom refers to only the date of the 50th anniversary of a joint destiny as “golden”: it is necessary to go through a huge period of time so that the wives become, as they say, “do not spill water.”
Many note that by this time they also become similar to each other on the outside.
Why do we need knowledge of the stages of love? Everything is easy: with this information, any young family will be prepared for the difficulties of the first years of their shared destiny.
Crises will not end in divorce: on the contrary, they will push several to a new round of relationships.
The wives, knowing that the supreme prize – love – awaits them in the forefront, will overcome all difficulties together, and their amorous boat will not run aground under any circumstances.
