If a person doesn’t say they love you, does that mean they don’t?
I’ve been seeing this guy for over a year. He’s 27, makes great money, but he’s very stingy. He hasn’t even given me a single flower, claiming that he feels bad because flowers wilt quickly and his money would be wasted.
I accepted this and decided I could do without flowers. But secretly, I still hoped for a gift from him—even if it was inexpensive—as a symbol of his affection.
All my friends receive gifts and flowers from their boyfriends, but I’m not so lucky. On March 8, he only congratulated me online. For my New Year’s and birthday, he said he’d give me his love. Our dates consist of walks and fun— only on our first date did he invite me to the movies. He doesn’t invite me anywhere else; he says he has no money.
But he has a healthy bank account and a high salary (he said so himself). If I invite him to the theater, the movies, or a café, he says he has no money. When I go to his place, he demands that I cook a delicious meal, wash the dishes, clean his apartment, and have sex with him, and I do it. He says he loves me and suggests we move in together. But I want to break up with him; his greed makes me very bitter.
Unverified comments (65) on the confession “A young man says he adores me, but under no circumstances gives me gifts”:
It goes without saying that he’s not opposed to free funor free domestic help. And claiming that he adores me doesn’t cost him a penny. You’re voluntarily serving him for some unknown reason. I don’t understand why you need him.
Run away from him. If he’s that greedy during the most romantic period of flowers and candy, he’ll later choke on his greed over every penny. You’re being used as a naive and obedient servant with funon top of that, for free.
You can be smarter about this. Tell him: “I’m in charge of my own household and my budget. And since you don’t have any money, you’re a kept man (a freeloader, a deadbeat—choose whichever insult you prefer), and what do I need someone like that for? I love that line—anyone can say it—but to manage household (and financial) affairs, you need to become an independent, self-sufficient person. When you do, give me a call; if I’m free, I’ll consider it.”
And walk away. If he truly loves you, he’ll change. If nothing changes, then he’s lying on top of everything else. Why would you want that?
I adore him too, which is why I’m still with him. But I really dislike how greedy he gets when there’s money involved. What will happen after the wedding?
Is it even worth getting to the wedding?
Please describe how a young man might react to the words I described above. And then, as they say: we’ll see how it goes.
This is the kind of person who responds to all useful advice with “But I love him”….Well, okay, love him, put up with him—what if things change… Happiness, patience—everything will be fine. Those are the answers we’re looking for.
The golden rule: don’t sleep around before marriage, or he won’t marry you. Only the lack of funmight get you to the registry office
Are you trying to say that a smart woman is one who sleeps around with anyone but her future husband? Surely there aren’t any friends that naive left.
He’s my first boyfriend and knows I only sleep with him.
But he hasn’t married me yet, right?
If he does get married, he’ll lock me in the kitchen as a maid.
Why? All wives cook for their husbands.)
Hahahaha, Smarty-pants, but why? For me, for example, funpleasure, not a yoke.
He might not be greedy; he just doesn’t throw money away. The creator agrees to everything anyway, so why spend money on gifts?
He’s offering to “live together,” not to get married—free domestic help and regular funIt won’t hurt to live together until he meets the one he wants to marry.
Yana, I want him to give me gifts, but he’s very stingy. And I won’t agree to live with him before we’re married. I don’t want to marry a stingy guy.
Then why have you been dating for over a year?
And I don’t see the contradiction: “I won’t live with him before the wedding. And I don’t want to marry a greedy guy”? It turns out you don’t want to get married, yet for some reason you go to his place to cook and clean.
I hope his love will triumph over his greed). And then I’ll be able to marry him. Since we love each other.
And what makes you think he’s planning to marry you? With a fiancée, in most cases, they go on dates, get flowers, go to restaurants, etc. And she doesn’t always stay the night afterward….
Yana, I understand you, but for him, dates are just walks that don’t cost anything. He says he adores me, and he suggested we live together for a short while before the wedding to see if we’re right for each other. That’s why I concluded that he wants to get married. Maybe I’m wrong.
Creator, you’re writing that, according to him, he has no money, and then, according to him, he does have money. Just make up your mind—does he have it or not? By and large, it’s unusual to meet a guy and not ask what he does for a living, and then jump to conclusions about his financial situation on your own. I’ve never met such clueless women before.
Prince, you don’t understand me, so don’t jump to silly conclusions.
I’m a smart woman, and you’re not reading carefully—I wrote that he has a high salary, a healthy bank account, plenty of money, and a good job. But he’s very stingy and doesn’t want to spend money. For the first 3 months we went out together, then—we had walks and fun. Everything about me suits him—he said so. Right now he wants to live together before marriage to see if we’re right for each other. But why would I want such a stingy man?
“He doesn’t invite me anywhere anymore; he says he has no money” paragraph 3.
“But he has a healthy bank account and a high salary (he said so himself).”
Paragraph 1 is the one where you present his stinginess as an indisputable fact
(“‘He’s 27 and makes great money’”) is based on paragraph 4, i.e., on his own words. And his words are “I have money” and “I don’t have money.” From this contradiction, you draw the conclusion: He’s rich and greedy, and in doing so, you mislead readers.
He has a high salary and a good job. But he doesn’t want to spend money on flowers, gifts, or going out. Even though he says he adores me and wants to live together. So what specific conclusions can be drawn?
I’m not a materialistic woman, but I want romance and attention.
Katya, judging by your answers and your story, you are, after all, a foolish woman. And your foolishness lies in the fact that you’re holding onto the hope that he’ll change. Why would he suddenly change? He’s doing just fine as it is; everything suits him just fine; his behavior only bothers you. So you’re the one who needs to change! Or leave. There’s no third option.
A smart and non-materialistic woman—they’re the ones who end up being taken advantage of. To him, you’re a free maid, a source of satisfaction, and a cleaner funof his sexual needs. If a wealthy young man is too cheap to take you to the movies, it means you’re the perfect all-in-one deal. And living together means having you and a bowl of borscht around the clock
What specific conclusions, exactly? Based on a confession, it’s impossible in principle to draw any conclusions about a boyfriend. This story is merely a subjective assessment by a girl named Katya of her own boyfriend. And to draw conclusions—let alone call for any specific actions—based solely on one’s own life experience, which for Katya and her boyfriend, against the backdrop of billions of “real women” and the experiences of men across the planet Earth, amounts to nothing more than a statistical inaccuracy, is either foolish or self-serving toward Katya.
Katya, it’s not that hard for you to decide. Do you want this or not, and that’s it. If you’re okay with it and there are no other options, then fine. If you need something, first say: “I want gifts—is that too much for you?” If that doesn’t work, then draw your own conclusions. It’s easy: if you like him anyway, leave things as they are; but if you really need him, then tell him: “Either give me something, or I’m out of here funat all.” Or: “Fine, you’re so great—I’ll cook and provide until you find yourself.” Make up your mind. He’s doing everything right, but maybe he thinks that’s what you need. What do you need?
He’s doing everything wrong, which is why I broke up with him.
I want a personal slave too! Don’t be a fool—send him away!
Katya, dump him and don’t hesitate for a second
I believe that if a guy isn’t interested in a woman, no amount of words or ultimatums will help… Walk away from him, Katya. Time will pass, and when you see him walking by, you’ll wonder how you could have ever been with him…
Katya, have you tried talking to him openly about this? Tell him that you want to receive gifts, that it makes you happy. Maybe he’ll realize it.
Otherwise, he won’t realize it!
Everyone, regardless of gender, loves receiving gifts. But giving them is just as nice. The giver is happy too, if they’ve picked the right gift. But this only works if people truly love each other, are friends, and so on.
Katya, why should he have to give you gifts? Just for your love and beauty? And what gifts have you given him? If he’s been seeing you for a year and hasn’t cheated on you, that means he loves you. And what more do you want?
Care and Attention
Men give women gifts for their love and beauty; if you didn’t know that, I feel sorry for you. Does she have to earn them and give something in return?
In a relationship, no one owes anyone anything.
Throw such relationships in the trash—a relationship is precisely a mutual commitment
Yes, a relationship is about mutual commitment, love, care, respect, and attention.
Anton, I feel sorry for your girlfriend.
That’s exactly why—especially sleeping with him
Has Katya’s boyfriend texted back yet?
A day ago, I told my boyfriend that I want the usual courtship, gifts, and flowers; otherwise, I won’t see him anymore. He replied that I’m a materialistic woman, just like all the others he’s met, and he doesn’t want to see me anymore under any circumstances. I wanted to break up with him, but it turned out the opposite (he broke up with me).
Why didn’t my words come across that way? They didn’t really sound materialistic.
Where’s the materialism here?
Giving an apartment is mercenary, but what about flowers that will wilt and be thrown away in three days—will that really improve her financial situation at his expense?
I want gifts and flowers; otherwise, I won’t see him. A price tag is put on a person—relationships instead of gifts. If you don’t see it, that’s your right. And you, Yana, troll, no one invited you to this Romeo-Katya conversation; express your own opinion separately, later. Don’t butt in uninvited.
You’re at it again—you don’t really read the story. It was first reported, “I see more price tags,” and the creator hasn’t posted any this year. She was just waiting for attention.
And I’ll express my own opinion whenever and wherever I want. Don’t try to take on other people’s roles. It’s not up to you to decide whether to delete or leave comments here.
Romeo, why are you being rude to my readers? I don’t really like that. Please don’t do that—okay? All readers have the right to express their own opinions. Yana understands me better than you do,
She’s a smart woman, not a troll.
For a year, I waited for the usual courtship from the young man; from time to time, I delicately asked him to give me flowers or take me out somewhere, but he remained deaf to my requests. And I’m tired of this kind of relationship. I’m not materialistic; I just want attention, care, respect, and love from the young man. Was it really that hard for him, after a whole year of dating, to give me even a single flower or invite me to a café? Or do you, Romeo, not care about your own girlfriend either?
Yana, thank you
